What to do when someone dies
A plain, practical walkthrough of the first hours and the first weeks after a death: pronouncement, death certificates, funeral costs, who to notify, and what to leave alone.
By Everheld · · 8 min read
If you are reading this in the first day or two, you are probably looking for a list, because a list is the only thing that will hold still. Here is one. It is administrative, it is tedious, and it will take longer than anyone tells you. None of it is a measure of how much you loved them.
The most useful thing to know at the outset: almost nothing here has to happen today. Two things do. Everything else is a matter of weeks or months, in whatever order you manage. And if you are finding you cannot think straight, that is the fog of early grief — there is more in what grief can feel like.
The first hours
What happens depends entirely on where and how the person died.
An expected death at home
If the person was on hospice, call the hospice line first, not 911. They are available around the clock, and this is exactly what they are for. A nurse will come, confirm the death, handle the pronouncement, and dispose of any controlled medications. They will call the funeral home for you if you tell them which one, and they will wait with you.
If there was no hospice but a doctor was treating them for the condition that killed them, call that doctor's office or the after-hours line.
Calling 911 for an expected home death can trigger a resuscitation attempt and a police response you did not want. If there is a signed do-not-resuscitate order or a POLST form, have it where you can put your hands on it.
You do not have to have the body taken away immediately. In most places you can sit with them for a few hours. Many people are grateful, afterward, that they did.
A death in a hospital, hospice facility, or care home
The staff handle the pronouncement. They will ask you which funeral home to release the body to. You are allowed to say "I don't know yet, I'll call you back." They will hold them, and they are not in a hurry.
An unexpected, sudden, or unattended death
Call 911. Do not move anything. If the death was sudden, violent, unattended, or the person was young and healthy, the case goes to the medical examiner or coroner. There may be an autopsy, and you generally cannot decline it when it is ordered by the state.
This slows everything: the body is not released to a funeral home for anywhere from a day to a couple of weeks, and the final death certificate may be issued with the cause "pending" for weeks or months. That pending certificate is still usable for most purposes. It is worth asking the medical examiner's office directly what their timeline looks like, and writing down the case number.
The death certificate, and why you need so many
The funeral home almost always orders the certified copies for you. Ask for 10 to 15.
This feels absurd, and it is not. Nearly every institution wants an original certified copy — an embossed or raised-seal document, not a photocopy — and most of them keep it. In the US, copies cost roughly $5 to $30 each depending on the state, and ordering more later means going back to the county or state vital records office and waiting.
You will use them for: each bank and credit union, each life insurance policy, each retirement or pension account, the employer, the DMV for a vehicle title, the county for property, brokerage accounts, the VA if the person was a veteran, and the probate court.
Choosing a funeral home, or not choosing one
You can take a day. You can ask someone else to make the calls. And you can — and should — compare prices, because they vary wildly between two homes on the same street.
In the US, the FTC's Funeral Rule gives you real protection:
- They must give you an itemized General Price List, on paper, before showing you anything.
- They must quote prices over the phone if you ask.
- You may buy only what you want. You can decline the casket package, buy a casket elsewhere (including online), and they cannot charge you a handling fee for it.
- Embalming is not legally required in most circumstances. They cannot charge for it without permission.
Honest ranges, roughly, in the US:
- Direct cremation, no service: about $700 to $3,000. This is the least expensive option nearly everywhere. The person is cremated and returned to you, and you can hold any gathering you want, whenever you want, wherever you want.
- Cremation with a service: commonly $6,000 to $8,000.
- Burial with a viewing: commonly $8,000 to $12,000 once you add the plot, the vault, and the headstone, which are usually cemetery costs, not funeral-home costs.
If the money is not there, say so out loud, to the funeral director. Ask what the least expensive option is. Ask whether the county has an indigent burial or cremation program. There is no shame in this, and directors deal with it every week.
You are allowed to spend less. What you spend is not a measurement of your love, and anyone who implies otherwise is selling something.
Who to notify, and when
Most of this can be spread over a month or two. In the US, the funeral home typically reports the death to Social Security, but confirm that they did.
| Who to notify | When | What you'll need |
|---|---|---|
| Social Security (SSA) | First 2 weeks — usually done by the funeral home | Their Social Security number, date of death |
| Employer / HR | First 2 weeks | Death certificate; ask about final pay, life insurance, retirement plan, and continuing health coverage for family |
| Life insurance companies | When you can — no deadline in most policies | Policy number, certified death certificate, claim form |
| Banks and credit unions | Weeks 2 to 6 | Certified death certificate, your ID, proof you are executor if you are |
| Pension / 401(k) / IRA administrators | Weeks 2 to 8 | Certified death certificate, beneficiary information |
| Health insurance / Medicare | First month | Member number; ask about coverage for surviving family |
| Credit bureaus (Equifax, Experian, TransUnion) | Early — this is the protective one | Notify one; it must tell the other two. Ask for a deceased alert and a freeze |
| DMV | When convenient | Certified death certificate, title, to transfer or cancel a vehicle registration |
| VA (if a veteran) | When you can | DD-214 discharge papers; burial benefits and a headstone may be available |
| Mortgage lender or landlord | First month | Certified death certificate; ask what the timeline actually is before agreeing to one |
| Utilities, phone, subscriptions | Whenever. Truly whenever | Account numbers |
Specifics vary by country and by state. Nothing here is legal or financial advice, and a probate clerk or an estate attorney can answer state-level questions in one short phone call.
What not to rush
- Probate. It typically takes months and courts fully expect it to start weeks after a death. Some states have a simplified small-estate process. Ask before you hire anyone.
- Their belongings. There is no deadline on a closet. None.
- Subscriptions and recurring charges. They will keep charging. It is irritating; it is not an emergency.
- Selling the house, the car, anything. Not this month.
- Big decisions about your own life. Not this year, if you can help it.
People who prey on the newly bereaved
This is the one area where a little speed genuinely protects you.
Obituaries are mined by identity thieves. When you write one, leave out the full date of birth, the mother's maiden name, the home address, and the fact that the house will be empty during the service.
Be alert for:
- Fake debt collectors calling about a debt you cannot verify. In the US, you can demand written validation, and you are generally not personally liable for a relative's debts.
- Unpaid delivery or invoice calls — someone claiming the person ordered something and payment is due now.
- Fraudulent life insurance or pension "verification" calls asking for account numbers or a Social Security number. Hang up. Call the company back on the number you looked up yourself.
- Funeral upsells you did not agree to — a sealed casket "to protect the body" (it does not), or charges on the bill that were not on the price list you were given.
- Charity appeals that appear immediately after the obituary runs.
Freeze the person's credit early. Notify one credit bureau and ask for a deceased alert. It takes twenty minutes and prevents a genuinely awful month later.
This is a lot of administration, and it comes at the worst imaginable time. Do it in small pieces. Let other people make the calls. And if today is not a day you can face any of it, close this and come back when it is.
If you are struggling to keep going, in the US you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. Internationally, findahelpline.com (opens in a new tab) will find a line near you.
Questions people ask
What is the very first thing to do when someone dies?
Get the death formally pronounced. If the person was on hospice, call the hospice line at any hour and they will come. If they died in a hospital or care home, the staff handle it. If the death was unexpected or the person was alone, call 911. You do not need to have chosen a funeral home first, and you do not have to rush the body out of the house — in most places you can sit with them for a while.
How many copies of the death certificate do I need?
Order 10 to 15 certified copies. Banks, insurers, pension administrators, the DMV, and title companies each typically want an original certified copy, not a photocopy, and many will not return it. Copies usually cost roughly $5 to $30 each depending on the state, and ordering more later means a second trip through the vital records office.
How much does a funeral actually cost in the US?
A funeral with a viewing and burial commonly lands between $8,000 and $12,000 once the cemetery plot, headstone, and vault are counted. Cremation with a service is often in the $6,000 to $8,000 range. Direct cremation with no service is usually $700 to $3,000. Prices vary enormously by region and by funeral home, and the federal Funeral Rule requires them to give you an itemized price list and to quote prices by phone.
Do I have to use a funeral home?
In most US states, no — though a handful require a licensed funeral director to file the death certificate or transport the body. Direct cremation providers are much cheaper than full-service funeral homes, and a memorial gathering can be held anywhere, at any time, with no funeral home involved at all. You are allowed to say no to a casket upgrade, and no to embalming, which is rarely required by law.
Who do I need to notify when someone dies?
In the US, the funeral home usually reports the death to Social Security. You will want to contact the employer, life insurance, banks, pension or retirement plan administrators, health insurance or Medicare, the DMV, and one of the three credit bureaus, which is required to inform the other two. Most of this can be done over several weeks. Very little of it is urgent.
Are there scams that target grieving families?
Yes, and they are common. Obituaries are read by identity thieves, so leave out the full date of birth, mother's maiden name, and home address. Be suspicious of anyone calling about a debt you cannot verify, an unpaid delivery, or a funeral bill that does not match the paperwork. Freeze the person's credit early, and never give account details to someone who called you.
